I just figured it out. I've been going about this all the wrong way. I've been to college. I've done graduate school and purused advanced degrees. I've been a teacher and an airline reservationist and a regulatory affairs specialist and a department manager and all that is great. But what I really want to do is write -- to create.
I want to be Damon Lindeloff and Carlton Cuse (yes, both -- to be only one of them wouldn't do) and create a cool show like Lost and show off my wit to the world on weekly podcasts hosted by that creepy guy Chris.
I want to make thrillers like "Behind Closed Doors" (where perspective and reality are questioned by grown siblings using hypnosis to uncover the hidden secrets of their father's mysterious death -- yes, lots of adjectives).
And period epics like "Ys" (where a deeply flawed Christian father and his beautiful Pagan daughter struggle for balance and supremacy in 7th century Britany).
Or comedies like "Heaven or Hell" (where a newly-dead college basketball player has to choose his eternal profession as a guardian angel or a tempting devil -- I could have a lot of fun with that one).
Or any of the many story ideas I have jotted down over the years -- stories that just sit and gather electronic dust on my hard drive as I comfortably work in a respectable profession and grow older and fatter and wonder to myself, what if...
So I just realized -- I've been doing this all wrong. If I really want to get these stories made into something real, I need to take some risks. I need to make some changes.
I need to start stripping.
Seriously.
So here's my new plan. I'll get a job at a local strip club -- there are a ton of them here in Roppongi (or so I am told...) -- and slink and strut to Frank Stallone's "Everybody's Workin For the Weekend" like Barney and Adrian from that classic SNL Chippendale's skit. Sure, I'll have to lose a few pounds (40?) and get some tone to my physique (nothing says "sexy" quite like Phillip Seymore Hoffman), but I just have to do it long enough to get some delicious experience with that seedy underworld and tantalize you all with every juicy detail here in this blog. Then some big-time studio exec will stumble across my site as he's surfing for porn, and bingo-- I'm selling him the script to Juno II and winning an academy award in no time! Who knows -- it might also get me into the top twelve of next year's American Idol.
So boys and girls -- fold up your dollar bills, take a number, and get in line -- daddy's goin shoppin for a leopord-skin thong!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
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4 comments:
YEAH!!! Glenn, opps- I mean Dennis is back! I knew you couldn't bottle up all that creativity forever. Let loose, Although maybe not as loose as you suggest.
That plan has been done, you're route is coming. Maybe you'll meet some talent agent in a karaoke jacuzzi room, Who knows?
The key is to share your talent & passion, Barney won the job remember, not Adrian. ( LOVE IT!
I can't ever hear that songs and not picture Chris Farley's crack. You know- He looks like a Dennis, or maybe a Kevin.)
No, Adrian won. But the judges said it was a close call, and Adrian explained that Barney was a hell of a dancer. He was also kind enough to point out that the only reason Barney didn't win was because his body was just so bad. The only thing Barney won was a place forever in our hearts -- which is nice -- but it doesn't fill the thong.
(folded dollar bills! get your mind out of the gutter!)
You can keep the pounds, as long as you keep the beard. That does it for me big boy!
yeah, the wider the waistband the more room for dollar bills.
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